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It is worrying to read that 40.6 per cent of parents of pre-schoolers and 31.3 per cent of infants' parents here are likely to physically discipline their children ( , Oct 6). The findings surprised me, given that today's better-educated young parents can easily access a plethora of parenting information on their phones. A few young parents appear to be parenting the way they were once parented. How can we break the cycle of generating future adults who may suffer from strained parent-child relationships, and carrying the weight of unresolved socio-emotional issues that have an impact on the larger society? Parents may argue that physical discipline is meted out for the child's good. However, healthy discipline is about respect, perspective-taking and seeking to understand, first by asking "why?" For example, why is my child so uncooperative? Is he lacking sleep or upset over something that I have no clue about? Next, ask, "Why does this incident trigger me so much, as compared to other times when I could let it slide?" Over time, by practising the "pause-think-check" method, parents' self-regulation and mindset may shift. We should not try to "fix" the child or "clone" them to be like us. Only when parents conscientiously practise seeing things from a child's perspective and feelings, with utmost respect, love and patience, will the parents' reasoning make sense to the child. A discouraged child does not grow well, even with the best of intentions. Happy and effective parenting begins when a child can feel and know that he is appreciated by his parents, and that he is not someone who is broken and needs fixing.