News

No possible good can come from “keeping score” in any relationship, and that includes the parent-child relationship. Declaring that children “owe” their parents for raising them is incredibly damaging to the relationship ( Feb 5). Parents who use this tactic with their children are merely trying to control them. They make them constantly accountable for a debt that they didn’t choose to incur and which can’t possibly be repaid. It’s a debt pulled out again and again whenever the parents feel any displeasure with their child, and it prevents a true relationship – one in which the parent and adult child become true equals and can enjoy and respect each other as peers.  Good parents view raising their offspring well as a gift to their children, given freely and graciously, with no expectation of anything in return. I would take care of my parents, but not because I “owe” them. I would do whatever I had to do to care for them, to return the gift they gave me of loving care when I was vulnerable. If parents raise their child well and respect their child, the child will most likely want to return the favour anyway. If parents pull the “gratitude” card, they’re only likely to estrange their child and are thus less likely to receive what they think they are owed.